Botox Parties

You know what really grinds my gears?

Botox "parties"

"Botox" Definition:
trademark for a highly purified preparation of botulinum toxin Type A, used to cosmetically remove wrinkles and to treat some muscle conditions, such as spasms, most often injected using sharp needles

"Parties" definition:

a social gathering, as of invited guests at a private home, for conversation, refreshments, entertainment, etc.: a cocktail party, a Superbowl party, a tupperwear party.

Notice that botox "party" isn't included in the examples of parties, I mean tupperwear party is understandable, but BOTOX party? geesh. Since when did injecting ourselves with sharp needles become party worthy? It's just fucking weird.

New Nickelodeon

You know what really grinds my gears?

The new Nickelodeon shows



I know I am too old to really care about what they show on Nickelodeon but I can't help but be irked when I'm flipping through the channels and there is no "Rugrats" or "Doug." I mean I learned life lessons from "Clarrisa explains it all." And scared myself shitless when I watched "Are you afraid of the dark?" It's so sad to see such a fuck up of a human being have her very own show (Jamie Lynn Spears in "Zoey 101") being broadcast to young america!


They even have an anime show on there now, what happened to leaving the Dragon Ball Z type shows to the Cartoon Network??? And no wonder kids are so fat, there isn't any physical competition shows anymore like "Double-Dare" and "Guts". I have no faith in the generation behind us to lead when we're all invalids with the kind of televsion they are shown. Tisk tisk Nickelodeon, tisk tisk.

RIIIIGHT??

You know what really grinds my gears?

The phrase: "I know, right?"

NO! I don't know and you're probably WRONG!

Guest Grinder

You want to know what grinds my friend Kikki's gears? Well she wants to tell you:

"You know what really grinds my gears??

IDIOT DRIVERS! There are by far too many of them on the road and it annoys the shit out of me. If you feel that you absolutely need be on your cell phone- get in the right lane. I hate sitting behind you people that sit in the left lane gabbing away on your phone and not realizing that I'm trying to get fucking past you! And when I take the time to so nicely let you cut in front of me (when I could easily speed up) and you DON'T give me the courtsey wave- I get pissed off. It's common courtesy to give the wave (or a thumbs up or even the shocker, anything!) when someone does something nice for you that they easily could not people! and another thing- when it snows and you don't have a car that can handle it- DON'T GO OUT! I get so frustrated by the people that come here from sunny California or Arizona and for some reason feel they are satisfactory drivers in the snow and then get stuck or slide around like dumbasses in front of me. Just leave you and your car at home and get a ride with someone who knows how to drive!"

Thank you Kikki, I totally agree.

Uns-TURDY

You know what really grinds my gears?

When something that looks sturdy, isn't.

Have you ever leaned against something that looks like it can hold your weight but it can't and you fall? Or have you ever tried dancing on a table that looks like a perfectly nice table but once ontop, a leg gives out and you and the lit candle and the bottle of vodka all topple to the ground? These things just need to stop. PEOPLE!!! Make your walls stronger! Throw out tripod tables! Help each other out!

Indoor sunglasses

You know what really grinds my gears?

People who wear their sunglasses inside.



I don't care how hungover you are, I can still see that you look like shit, your oversized sunglasses aren't hiding the awful smell resonating from your pores.








I also don't care how famous you are, I can still tell that it's you Britney.




And most of all, I don't care how just plain awesome you think you are because no matter how awesome that is, you are not awesome enough to wear sunglasses inside, that is unless you are Corey Hart who is obviously awesome enough to wear his sunglasses at night, which I'll have you know is the equivilent of wearing sunglasses inside.

Communists

You know what really grinds my gears?

Communists.

Communism is sooooooooo last century. Come on guys, get with the 21 century.

B-a-n-a-n-a candy

You know what really grinds my gears?

Banana flavored candy.

It's just weird. It doesn't taste like bananas. Not that I like real bananas anyways.

Resolutions

You know what grinds my gears?

New Years resolutions.

I can't keep them. If anything when I want to lose 5 pounds, I gain 10. Or if I want to stop cursing, I just end up inventing a disgusting word that's worse than anything I said the year before. I think this year I'm going to resolve to not make any more resolutions. Righteous.