Call He-Man. Skeletor strikes again!

You know who really grinds my gears?

Al Davis

After weeks of letting Raiders Head Coach Lane Kiffin flap in the wind, Owner Al Davis finally cut the cord today:



I’m pretty sure we’ve been down this road before. Flash back to 1989, the Raiders were struggling at 1-3 under the helm of a young up-and-coming ball coach by the name of Mike Shanahan. He too was fired in the bye week and even after drudging through the grievance process he still never received any compensation from Davis for the remainder of his contract. Things are different now and I’m sure that Kiffin will see some cheddar come his way but he was shafted nonetheless.

Here’s to Lane eventually finding another head coaching job in The League and coming back in true Shanahan fashion to post a 21-6 record against his old boss. That is if Al makes it through the rest of ‘08.

Saw this one coming

You know who really grinds my gears?

The New York Metropolitans

Once again, the Mets are out of the playoffs with a loss to the Florida Marlins (this time without the Fish’s best player Hanley Ramirez) on the final day of the regular season and in the final game at Shea Stadium. For the second year in a row, the Mets had their largest division lead with 17 games remaining, this year being 3 ½, and managed to let the playoffs slip through their fingers. Excluding the 1981 split season, the Mets became the first team in major league history to hold 3 ½ game division leads in consecutive Septembers and fail to make the post-season both times. I for one am not the least bit surprised.


The injury to Billy Wagner was the beginning of the end for the Mets in my mind. I’m not sure how a franchise with the second highest payroll in “The Bigs” expected to get by with such a mediocre bullpen (MLB worst 16 blown saves after the all-star break).

Something needs to be done with the make-up of this team in the off season. Right now this mix of watered down superstars (Delgado, Beltran) and youngsters with an undeserving arrogance and unwarranted right of entitlement (Wright, Reyes) just isn’t getting it done. Unfortunately for Omar Minaya, he has become the Matt Millen of Major League Baseball and seems to be the first change that will take place in the next few weeks.

Mets fans, look on the bright side, at least none of your players were pictured receiving a money shot yesterday. Thanks Prince Fielder!

T.O. – Terrell’s Offense

You know who really grinds my gears?

Terrell Owens

I love T.O. as a football player. I think he is bar none the most entertaining player in the league, but unfortunately that entertainment comes with the price of a scalped super bowl ticket. After the Dallas Cowboys 26-24 loss to their bitter rival Washington Redskins on Sunday, Terrell had the gull to complain about his apparent lack of role in the offense during the game. When asked if he believed that he had enough touches, he said, "I would say no. I'm a competitor, and I want the ball. There were some opportunities there, and there were some opportunities there where they were holding and the refs just didn't call it. You can't blame the refs; we just didn't make the plays.”

I’m pretty sure that T.O. hadn’t checked the stat line after the game, because if he had, he would have seen that the Cowboys offense ran a total of 58 plays, and of those, 17 were passes thrown in his direction with another two being rushing attempts totaling 19 plays that revolved directly around getting the ball to Owens. I know it’s been a while since I’ve been in school but I’m pretty sure I still know how to use a calculator and that comes out to just about one third of Dallas’ total offensive plays Sunday featured the best touchdown celebrator in the league.

More often than not Terrell is right when it comes to this topic, the more he has the ball in his hands the better chance his team has of winning. The question here is at what point does satisfying T.O. begin to hurt the teams offensive production? When you have the weapons the Cowboys do, the wealth needs to be spread. How does Felix Jones not get a single carry? The tank that is Marion Barber needs to be ridden a minimum of 15 times a game. Don’t force Jessica Simpson’s boyfriend to throw the ball 47 times. It’s just unnecessary.

P.S. Has anyone else noticed how much T.O. LOVES his aviators? Remember the last noticeable press conference he wore them at?

Keep burning Rome... in hell

You know who really grinds my gears?

Jim Rome.

Ok to start, I know I'm supposed to leave the sports related posts to my brother, but I hate Jim Rome so much that I have to go on my own rant here....

Someone needs to muzzle this douchebag. Once the host of, “Last Word” of Fox Sports Net, Rome is currently the host of "Jim Rome is Burning" on ESPN. He was once accurately described as some sort of bizarre cross between an evil sports robot and George Hamilton. He is a true "Monday Morning Quarterback" -- complains about things and people after things go down. This was the jerk that was trying to make a name for himself by calling quarterback Jim Everett – “Chris.” Rome was trying to be funny because Chris Evert was a female tennis player. Anyhow, “Chris” knocked him on his sorry arse – one of the great moments in television history.

And seriously man, we're all catching on to you, lose the shoulder pads...

Skinny Chef

You know who really grinds my gears?

Giada de Laurentiis.

This lady hosts Food Network's, Everyday Italian, which is fine and all, I love me some sghetti. But I can't trust the skinny bitch. I mean come on, sure she's hot, but don't you want your chef to look more like Mario Batali? Someone who looks like they actually EAT the food they cook?

The end of her show probably goes a little something like this: "Mmmm, this smells great! I'll see you guys next time!" takes a huge bite, chew, chew, chew, "Alright, CUT!" SPIT, run to the bathroom, purge.....

Osma Penn Laden

You know who really grinds my gears?

Sean Penn.

The self proclaimed "Mr. Peace" has a long history of spousal abuse and has physically struck members of the paparazzi. And how cool was Spicoli in Fast Times? Didn't you want him to be in YOUR first period English class in high school? Sean turned out to be a total turd and not Spicoli-esque in the least bit. Then the kicker was when the idiots in the "Academy" awarded him an Oscar for his lackluster preformance in Mystic River while skipping over Bill Maury, Johnny Depp, and Jude Law, all of whom out-acted him tremendously. I guess if you want to win an Oscar these days you will have to run around in an Iraqi flag and publish incoherent political rhetoric newspaper advertisements like the man with the statue, Sean Penn.

A change of pace

I know this is against "You know what really grinds my gears" protocol, but I just couldn't help it. There may be more of these in the future.

You know who really DOESN'T grind my gears?

These Guys

Today I came across this reenactment of Charlie Weis' sideline "incident" from this weekend and I laughed so hard I nearly pissed my pants. Aside from the fact that the culprit is dressed in Ohio State gear (not ND's opponent, they were too busy getting smashed by the Trojans), this is priceless. I want these kids to be my new best friends.

Mrs. Butters-evil

You know who really grinds my gears?

Mrs. Buttersworth.

This might just be me, but that chubby, syrupy woman scares the pants off of me. She's the reason I don't eat pancakes! I mean what 5 year old is thrilled when an undescript, plastic face starts talking to them? Can anyone say Bride of Chucky?

Premature Celebrator

You know really grinds my gears?

DeSean Jackson

Last night’s barn burner of a game between the Dallas Cowboys and the Philadelphia Eagles on Monday Night Football nearly provided one of the “most bone-headed plays in the history of football!” thanks Mike Tirico.

After absolutely toasting Cowboys safety Roy Williams for what was seemingly a 61 yard touchdown reception, DeSean Jackson dropped the ball on the 1 yard line in a move that could have proven costly to his team and Donovan McNabb's loser fantasy owners. You really couldn’t have waited ONE more yard to begin your mediocre endzone dance? I understand that when you’re on the same field with the master of celebration in Cowboys receiver Terrell Owens, (did you see him lean at the tape to win the 100 meters?) you want to perform at your best and attempt to show him up. In this case Jackson just ended up looking like a fool. To make matters worse, the Eagles' Mr. Everything, Brian Westbrook, scored on the very next play by flying over the top of the pile bruising his tailbone in the process. If Westbrook would have seriously hurt himself, the Eagles would have shunned Jackson and possibly alienated him from the team.



Last night Jackson became only the second rookie in the history of the NFL to begin his career with back-to-back 100 yard receiving games and looks to be quite a talent for the Eagles, but it still doesn’t erase the fact that he could have cost him team with this stunt. Don’t get me wrong, I love touchdown celebrations, but in this case DeSean looked like an idiot while attempting to score his first touchdown in The League. Better luck next time champ.

P.S. This isn't the first time that he's done this on national television:

Really? Cap

You know who really grinds my gears?

Rally Cap wearers

In my opinion, the “Rally Cap” is one of the most ridiculous things in all of sports. My athletic career has always been based upon the belief that if “you look good, you play good.” That explains why at every level of athletics I’ve participated in I’ve been “that guy” with every accessory imaginable causing me to standout from the other players on the field.

The origin of the rally cap dates back to the 1942 baseball season in which the fans of the Detroit Tigers began wearing their hats inside-out to “spark” come-from-behind wins for the team. It really took off when the actual Tigers players began following suit in the 1945 World Series which they went on to win. Leave it up to the city of Detroit to introduce something so dumb looking, it’s the same reason American cars are so inferior in the design department in comparison to foreign cars. Nothing attractive comes out of Detroit. Even the (in)famous, New Englanders skip over this, Bill Buckner play has been attributed to the Mets players looking like fools during game six of the ‘86 World Series.

If you still feel inclined to add a “Rally Cap” to your game day attire, at least follow these few simple rules: 1) Do NOT rally your cap when your team is in need of a single run. One run does not constitute a rally. 2) Be sure you are wearing the hat of the team that is in need of a rally. All bets are off and no voodoo is possible if you ruin a perfectly good hat belonging to natural a team. 3) This silly superstition is reserved for baseball games and baseball hats. I don’t want to catch anyone on the 18th green of their son’s high school golf tournament with their Titleist visor in the shape of a shark fin atop their dome.

You can go ahead and sacrifice your dignity for the good of the team while I continue looking sharp in my right-side-up hat doing what real fans do when their team is in trouble and all seems lost… Pray that lightning strikes down the opposing team’s pitcher.

Softer, Worse, Slower, Weaker

You know who really grinds my gears?

Kanye West.

He's racist, close minded, and far too under educated to make the statements he does. Hey Kanye! Wake up call! You're a rapper! You rap about bitches and hoes and money and wear silly sunglasses that don't actually block the sun, no one gives a fuck what you think about the world! Go out, buy a journal and write your deepest and most meaningful thoughts in there, don't use your fame as a platform for your hatred. AND he can't seem to get a hit song without covering someone else's hit song (Daft Punk, Ray Charles, Curtis Mayfield, Shirley Bassey...).

But here's the kicker and the biggest reason why Kanye West gets my gears grinding SO hard (that's what she said), is because I actually like his music!!! It makes me sick typing that, but it's true, I was Jebus walking, singing "she take my money" in the high pitched tone that brought the neighborhood dogs howling at my door, and I too like to think that I'm harder, better, faster, stronger. Oh Kanye, stop making catchy songs so I can go on hating you without remorse.

Turn the “Lights Out” on this season

You know who really grinds my gears?

Shawne Merriman

The San Diego Chargers All-Pro linebacker FINALLY decided yesterday to follow the doctor’s orders and undergo season-ending surgery to repair the two torn ligaments in his left knee. The decision was an easy one after Merriman was merely a shell of himself in a the Chargers stunning 26-24 defeat to the Carolina Panthers on Sunday in which he tallied only two tackles and recorded no sacks.

Following San Diego’s loss to the New England Patriots in last season’s AFC Championship game, doctors advised Merriman to have surgery on the knee that he says has caused him pain since late in the 2006 season. If that were the case, it would have given him six to eight months of recovery time in order to get ready for this season, meaning he may have only missed the first few games of this year. Seems like a pretty small price to pay now in hindsight, doesn’t it? Even after five separate consultations during the off-season in which doctors said that surgery was necessary, Merriman refused. The only doctors that gave him “the okay” were the Chargers team doctors. Well of course they’re going to say that you can play, they don’t work for you. They work for the organization and don’t necessarily have your best interests in mind.

There’s a fine line between courageous and just plain stupid and in this case Merriman did his little dance right over that line. A season tagged by many as “the Chargers year to win it all,” now seems to be out of reach in just the second week of the season due to a selfish act by one of, if not the most dominating defensive player in the league.

I DON'T WANT A DAMN COOKIE!

You know who really grinds my gears?

The annoying/loud/drunk girl from Saturday night at Nat and Gordo's house.

Yeah, I know it was silly to even ask the question because you weren't there, but that's how I start all posts... anywho.... This girl, I don't remember her name, went on this rant about how Sarah Palin should stop being framed as a hero because she "decided" to have a child with down syndrome and that she's actually a big idiot for taking the risk of having a child past the age of 37 and it was, let me quote, "her own damn fault for spitting out a retard." Right so if you have half a brain, which I know everyone in the loyal readership does (I mean if you were a raging dumbass this blog would clearly not appeal to you), you would think, "yes, GLittle, that girl would grind my gears as well." BUT it gets worse, GASP! I know! After everything she said about the issue, she would end it with, "What Sarah Palin, you want a fucking cookie for having that retard baby?" "So you had a baby with Down Syndrome, want a cookie?" "Seriously, does she deserve a fucking cookie? Want a cookie? How about some FUDGE!?!?"

*This is when the whole audience shakes their heads and feels really sorry for this girl's parents*

Mike and Mike and Mike in the Evening?

You know who really grinds my gears?

Mike Golic, Mike Greenberg and Mike Ditka… as announcers

The three Mikes are the “backup” announcers for ESPN’s Monday Night Football doubleheader broadcast. I’d like to start by stating that I’m a huge fan of the Mike & Mike in the Morning simulcast on ESPN2 and ESPNRadio and normally love the banter between Golic and Greenberg, but I just can’t get onboard with them as live game announcers. Greenberg “handles” the play-by-play while Golic and Ditka share the commentary/analyst duties. “Hurricane” Ditka may be GOD but he is no good at color commentary.

Early in the morning, it’s almost endearing to hear Golic stumble over his words and struggle to get his point across without the help of Greeny, but it’s the last thing I want to hear while watching a football game. Greenberg talks too much, which is nearly impossible for a play-by-play man. He calls the outcome of the play before it’s even over, he reacts like a little school girl to anything remotely athletic and he can’t keep the names of the players on the field straight. Ditka, as funny as it sounds, is way too much of a coach. He speaks in coach, giving all those worthless Monday (in this case Tuesday) morning quarterbacks new verbiage for the upcoming week which they’ll spew out as their own. Also, he can’t stop “coaching-up” the players on the field (they can’t hear you). He needs to sit down and watch a game called by John Madden and learn how to dial back the coaching and turn up the actual analysis and break down of the game. As a whole, they sound too much like fans. I just can’t help but feel like I’m eavesdropping on the three of them watching the game in my basement.

During MNF, I want to eat bad (for me) food, drink good (for me) beer, be told facts about players I didn’t previously know and be able to turn my brain off and not have to decipher each play on my own. It’s a good thing these guys only get one go-around a year.

King of the Front-runners

You know who really grinds my gears?

LeBron James

For the second time in a year, “King” James donned garb of the opposing team while attending a sporting event featuring a Cleveland based franchise. Not only is Cleveland the city where he currently plays for the Cavaliers in the NBA, it’s the closest city with a professional sports scene to where he was born and raised in Akron, Ohio.

In last years AL Division Series between the New York Yankees and the Cleveland Indians, LeBron flaunted his love for the Yankees by waving his NY hat while being booed by presumably the same fans that cheer him feverishly on a nightly basis while he flies up and down the court at Quicken Loans Arena. Then yesterday, Lebron was seen wearing that same Yankees cap along with a Cowboys tee when he was cozying up to the likes of Adam “I will always call you PAC Man” Jones and Terrell (yesterdays TD celebration was genius) Owens during pre-game warm-ups. Keep in mind that both these games took place in Cleveland…

The Cowboys and Yankees!? You’ve got to be kidding me. How sad is that? The man is from Ohio. LeBron was born in 1984, meaning his fan molding years were during a time when the Yankees won three World Series Titles and the Cowboys won three Superbowls. Fan molding years are the years in which kids are most impressionable, usually between the ages of roughly 8 to 15, in which they decide whether to follow and cheer for the teams their dad or family does, or hitch their wagon to different franchises or schools, meaning LeBron probably also likes Pete Sampras, Tiger Woods and the Chicago Bulls.

Now I wouldn’t dare tell anyone who they can or cannot root for, all I’m saying is whether you like your hometown team or not, don’t disrespect the same fans that pay their hard earned cash to watch you do what you do best, by showing up in the “bad guys” gear. Be classy, show up in neutral colors and show, even if a little, support for the team that resides in the town that pays your salary, even if you can’t stand them.

The flag that fired Ty

You know who really grinds my gears?

The officiating crew for the UW vs. BYU football game

“Locker fakes right scrambles left… stumbles… dives and reaches out… he’s in! What a great play by Jake Locker to get into the end zone and put his team within a PAT of tying this game with 2 second left. Wait a second… there’s a flag on the play…”

That was the call at the end of a thrilling game this afternoon between the University of Washington and Brigham Young University. That flag turned out to be a personal foul, excessive celebration penalty that forced the Huskies to attempt the point after touchdown from the 18 yard line, as opposed to the 3, where BYU’s Jan Jorgensen busted through the line and blocked Ryan Perkins' 35-yard kick with 2 seconds left in regulation to secure a 28-27 win for the Cougars. I understand that a 35-yard kick from the middle of the field should be a piece of cake, even for a mediocre colligate kicker but it should have never come down to that. The final penalty by the referee was a joke. It robbed UW from having a fair chance to tie the game up. I'm aware that excessive celebration is a point of emphasis for referees this season but in no way did Jake Locker go over the top with a little flip of the ball and celebration with his teammates. "After scoring the touchdown, the player threw the ball into the air and we are required, by rule," (Rule 9, Section 2, Article 1) "to assess a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty,'' Pac-10 referee Larry Farina said in a statement given to Washington officials, "It is a celebration rule that we are required to call. It was not a judgment call.'' Bullshit! Let the players decide who wins or loses. There was not one person in attendance today that paid money to see an official make a bogus call and decide the outcome. In a season that is most likely make-or-break for Washington coach, Tyrone Willingham, this could prove to be a job loser. BYU on the other hand can continue its dream of an undefeated season and a birth in a BCS game thanks to a huge assist from an overzealous official.

In Da Gym?

You know who really grinds my gears?

Nelly

Don’t get me wrong, I love country (fried chicken) grammar, I wear Air Force Ones, I too take off all my clothes when it’s gettin' hot in herre and always enjoy the shaking of ones tail feathers. But, I recently observed a music video for the song “Body on Me,” a compilation including Nelly, Akon and the lovely Ashanti, and something just didn’t sit well. Is it just me or does anyone else think that Nelly needs to be tested for steroids!? The man is built like a short yardage NFL running back. I’m well aware that Cornell Haynes Jr. is quite the athlete, excelling in baseball as a youngster and even being drafted by the Pittsburgh Pirates at one point, but give me a break. He’s not the only one either, have you seen LL Cool J with his shirt off? It's no wonder his “Mama said knock you out,” he looks like he could take on Tyson in his prime. Even just a few months ago “singers” such as the insanely ripped 50 cent, the incredible shrinking man Timbaland and the very lean and mean Mary J. Blige were implicated in a steroids investigation accusing them of using HGH (human-growth-hormone). All I know is that after over four years of mandatory workouts five days a week, I never achieved the physique or results that these apparent freaks of nature have. I say the music industry starts testing, and if found guilty, they be stripped of their MTV video music awards. Even Marion Jones thinks that’s fair.

Sticky Fingers

You know who really grinds my gears?

Nate Davis

Nate Davis is the starting quarterback for The Cardinals of Ball State University. The reason he gets my blood boiling is because he wears GLOVES! A quarterback at the highest level of amateur football should not be allowed to don those tack-infested mittens. Being a former college football player myself and cursed with unusually small hands for a wide receiver I know all too well the advantage that gloves these days provide. Word is that Davis, who operated solely out of the shotgun in high school, had trouble taking snaps under center so his position coach of all people suggested that he try wearing gloves and he hasn’t taken them off since. Not only that, rumor has it the kid has huge hands and to make things worse, because of the gloves, he finds no need to even use the laces while slinging the rock around the field. I know, I know, quarterbacks such as Tom Brady wear gloves when it’s cold out. That’s fine. When it’s freezing, the ball is so damn slick and hard that the traction gloves usually create is nullified. In said case, the gloves are used only for warmth. In Davis’ sophomore season, he threw for a Mid-American Conference best 3,667 yards, led the conference in passing efficiency and set the school record for passing touchdowns with 30. Someone needs to go all Marc Ecko on Nate’s ass and burn an asterisk into the Ball State record books everywhere his name appears. It would only be fitting for Nate to follow in his brother Jose's footsteps and go on to play in the video game number producing Arena Football League. At least there his gloves wouldn’t be the most ridiculous thing on the field.