THO

You know what really grinds our gears?

Yes, OUR gears...

People who type "tho" for though. Both of us agree that we die a little bit inside every time we see it written. *shudder*

Parking lot transits

You know what really grinds my gears?

People who walk in the middle of the parking lot lane when they are going to their car.

Don’t you see me driving behind you? It’s as though you don’t realize that in my car, I am bigger than you and I can hurt you. Is it so hard to move to the side so that I can drive around you? Is that so hard? Is it????? I don’t understand, can you just not make up your mind? “I want to walk on the left side, no the right side, dammit, I can’t decide. I’ll just walk right down the middle so cars have to drive 2 mph behind me.” I don’t get it, I just don’t get it.

Breakfast of Champions

You know what really grinds my gears?

When my coworkers make fun of me for eating Maruchan Ramen Noodle Soup for Breakfast.

The bitches are standing there shoving cake donuts into their faces with their mocha-caramel-lard lattes while I'm heating up my Oriental flavor Ramen deliciousness and drinking green tea. Apparently, I'm the weird one for not eating pure sugar/fat first thing in the morning and instead sticking to simple noodles and spices. Shenanigans! Thanks for your input Fatty Fat Fatties, but I'm ok with my Breakfast of Champions. Besides, those pants are starting to look a little snug on you....

Wacko Jacko

You know who really grinds my gears?

Jacko

This guy just doesn't seem to get it.

The King of Pop recently moved into a villa opposite a primary school in Las Vegas, NV. That's right, Michael is mere yards away from a daily congregation of roughly 600 young children. The move has sparked an outcry among worried parents, "Some parents say they don't want their children near Jacko," expressed a concerned parent. "They say he can see the kids getting on the school bus from his house."

Jackson is reportedly being put up by Billionaire developer and casino owner Steve Wynn who is said to be courting the singer trying to brainwash him into appearing in a comeback show.

I'm sure that there will be no trouble from Jacko but why generate this kind of negative attention for yourself knowing full well what the public's reaction would be. Someone needs to fire his Realtor.

Women everywhere droppin vagina panties

You know who really DOESN'T grind my gears?

Mr Chi-City

Now don't start believing for a second that glittle and I are no longer world-hating cynics because we went with back-to-back positive posts. I laughed out loud several times while viewing this vid and immediately knew I had to share it with you guys. Mr Chi-City is "...just a regular dude....who happens to own a Digital Camera.." He posts his videos on YouTube and he's pretty funny but I stumbled across this specific video and loved it.

Enjoy!

Would ya stop puttin the juice all the way to the top!!

Douchebaggery

You know what really doesn't grind my gears?

This site: http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/

Oops, I did it again, another "doesn't grind my gears." But this one is completely warranted. As many of you now know, douchebags grind my gears. The guy that runs this blog apparently completely agrees with me. Enjoy.

Me, Myself and Sasha Fierce?

You know who really grinds my gears?

Beyonce

Talk about a split personality. Apparently reaching the height of fame that is one-word name status just isn't enough for Jigga's boo, Beyonce Knowles.

The R&B singer has christened herself "Sasha Fierce" for her new double album, "I Am ... Sasha Fierce," due out in November. "I have someone else that takes over when it's time for me to work and when I'm on stage, this alter ego that I've created that kind of protects me and who I really am." Crazy!

She has even created a MySpace page to coincide with her other half. Why are celebrities constantly dissatisfied with just being themselves? What could possibly be wrong with being a multiplatinum selling artist, a gazillionaire and considered by some people the most attractive human being alive? I would say get a life but apparently she has two.

Screw Jay-Z, I bet she'd get along better with Chris Gaines, err, Garth Brooks.

Illegal Carpooling

You know who really grinds my gears?

Illegal Immigrants

Now I'm mostly for immigration and fully understand the pros and cons that are part of the process. As long as the rules are followed and it's done correctly, it's a good thing for the party at hand and the country. Here is a hilarious and deserving example of how to "grind my gears" while sneaking into the country:



19, 20, 21, 22............

Shut up Nelson...

You know what really grinds my gears?

When people type (email, text message, instant message, etc) "ha ha" instead of "haha." By adding a space in there, it seems so condescending. If you think it's funny, don't make me feel self conscience. And if you don't think it's funny, don't try to be cyber-sarcastic, it never goes over how it's intended, jerk.

#100

It's been a fantastic last couple of months with the brother and I spilling to the world who really grinds our gears. Don't fret, the blog is continuing with both of us on board, but we are no longer limited to just who. It is back to the original format with everything from the ground up that could possibly grind our gears. So to culminate a fantastic run of "You know who really grinds our gears," and to celebrate the 100th posting since the beginning of this blog, we would like to leave you with this:

You know who really grinds our gears?

YOU AMERICA. FUCK YOU.

ps. happy birthday tlittle

Madonna Louise Ciccone Ritchie

You know who really grinds my gears?

Madonna... or are we supposed to be calling her by her Jewish name these days, "Madge?" Ah what the hell, I'll just call her Shit-For-Brains.

Honestly, I could write a novel on how much Madonna grinds my gears, but because I am lazy and long blog entries grind my gears as well, I will stick to the highlights. Her "Madgesty" was born and raised in a Catholic Detroit family, yet now slaps on a fake British accent. And when I say fake, it's worse than when Britney Spears started faking an accent when she went batshit crazy. Back to the Catholic childhood, Plastic-Face now lives and breathes Kabbalah, a religion that is almost the complete opposite of what she was raised to believe and a total fad! She once said that it "would be less controversial if I joined the Nazi Party." Alright drama queen, chill out, nobody cares that much. And worst of all, Madonna grinds my gears because she used to be so fucking cool! Like badass chick, role model cool. Now she's just a sad washed up 50 year old "pop star."

Buyers Remorse

You know who really grinds my gears?

Adam “Pacman” Jones

Oops I did it again… Pacman was suspended once again Tuesday, this time for a minimum of four games for violation of the league’s personal conduct policy. Mr. Jones has officially regained his title as the most senseless man to ever participate in the National Football League. Eat your heart out Lawrence Phillips.

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell said Jones’ “disturbing pattern of behavior was clearly inconsistent with the conditions I set for your continued participation in the NFL.” The Commish said the possibility of a permanent ban from the league is not out of the question.

To tell you the truth Adam isn’t worth my, or anyone’s time for that matter and I hope Goodell does everyone, including Pacman, a favor and ends his career as a professional football player. He has shown that he is no where near capable of conducting himself in a respectable manner and doesn’t belong in the spotlight as a poor role model for kids and a bad example of professional athletes in general. Millions would kill to be in his shoes and he's proven he no longer deserves to wear them either.

7 Reasons....

You know who really grinds my gears?

Sebastian Niemann and Dirk Ahner.

Wait, who? Exactly. A low rent Director and a Horror Movie Writer/Producer who apparently had too stable a childhood to write an actual horrific movie. Here are the 7 reasons why their movie, "7 Days to Live" grinds my gears:

7) There was never any explanation as to the significance of 7 days. I get it, it's a week, but don't you think you would have thrown people off a little bit by making it 8 days to live?

6) It's centered around mud being scary. Mud's not scary.

5) The main chick is fug and her husband is a looker and you know that grinds my gears.

4) The fuckers had a Golden Retreiver killed for no damn reason!

3-1) Honestly, this movie was so bad, it's not worth my time to come up with 3 more reasons why it sucked.

How Devilish of them

You know who really grinds my gears?

The Tampa Bay "Devil" Rays

I know that in a previous post, I called the Rays, “the best story in baseball this year,” and I still wholeheartedly believe that and will absolutely be rooting for them to beat the Boston Red Sox, but I came across something this morning that irked me a little:
You’re eyes do not deceive you, that is in fact a t-shirt celebrating the Ray’s conquering of their new bitter rival, Red Sox "Nation". Let it be noted that this isn’t a cheap, fan-made or local business-made item, this is an official product of the Tampa Bay Rays and Major League Baseball and is available on their website.

If you look closely, there is no evidence that this is a shirt celebrating a Rays American League Pennant win so I presume that the meaning of conquer refers to Tampa Bay beating out the Sox for the American League East Division title, but nonetheless, the shirt is suggestive and the timing is odd. The word dynasty seems curious to me as well because before 2007, Boston hadn’t won the AL East since ‘95 and before 2004 hadn’t won an MLB championship since 1918, hardly a dynasty.

Now a very large part me loves this shirt, the part that feverishly scours the internet looking for celebration t-shirts for the teams who lose championship games. I happen to own a 1996 Pittsburgh Steelers Super Bowl XXX Champions tee, the Cowboys actually won that year, and I will undoubtedly be ordering one of these(done). In this case, it just seems a little foolish for a team that has been in the cellar of their division, nay their league, nay all of baseball for seemingly their entire existence to show such arrogance.

If the Rays were playing the lovable looser Cubs or even the pre-‘04 Red Sox who couldn’t win a championship if the fate of the world depended on it, I could understand the optimism but since breaking “The Curse of the Bambino,” the Sox seem destine to win it all every year and this is just plain mocking fate.

Dude, I'm so "that guy!"

You know who really grinds my gears?

That guy.

You know when you’re at a bar and you see “that guy?” The guy who’s too drunk and is throwing his arms in the air, waving them like he just don’t care? And he thinks he’s got the hottest moves on the floor since 1999? Yeah, he’s being “that guy.”

Or when you’re at the movies and you hear “that guy.” He’s the one sitting in the back with his arm around some slutty broad, yelling at the screen and throwing popcorn, probably wearing a letterman jacket from 1997. He’s being “that guy.”

How about “that guy” who wears tight t-shirts so his muscles bulge, screams when he talks, is scratching his back because his bacne itches from overdosing on the anabolic juice, and is yelling at the 5 foot 6 guy wearing suspenders, “what?!? Did you say you wanna go?” I hate “that guy.”

One of the more annoying is “that guy” who thinks he plays the game better than Justin Timberlake (nobody plays like JT). Signature moves include the Swoop – a super speedy slide up to a girl at the bar when her head is turned the other way so that when she turns he’s there, violating the number one social law of person space. Then there’s the Lurch move – the creepy, again space invading, over the shoulder lean. This guy always wants to hold your hand and touch you. Ewwww “that guy” needs a slapping and not the sex kind.

You might be wondering, “Am I that guy?” Well here are some “that guy” facts that will help you determine if it’s indeed you:
-You might be “that guy” if you think vomiting is good because it creates more room for beer.
-You might be “that guy” if you’ve just chipped another tooth opening a bottle of beer.
-You might be “that guy” if you do the dice too much, do the shopping cart, the sprinkler, the running man, the Carlton, and the Charlie Brown. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you’re probably not “that guy.”
-You might be “that guy” if you check your phone in the morning for the cute girl’s number and it reads: 555-555-5555.
-You might be “that guy” if you decide that no one will notice… well everyone notices “that guy.”

Trust me, it’s not the end of the world if you’re “that guy.” I have many friends to attest that even I, the most bad-ass of thee, has been “that girl.” But that’s a geargrindtime story for another night…. In the meantime, what does "that guy" mean to YOU, oh loyal readership?

Party like a Convict

You know who really grinds my gears?

O.J. Simpson

Now I could write for days about the list of things that “Grind my gears” about “Juice.” His acting skills, his arrogance, his golf game or the fact that he’s a cold blooded killer, I could even go on about how he is arguably the greatest running back of all time. But for the time being, I’m gonna stick to the most recent, of many, mistakes the Hall of Famer has made.

You may not believe this, I still can’t, but apparently O.J. had planned a celebration party to follow the acquittal of his current legal troubles.

"That's how certain he was," radio talk-show host, Anthony Crivello said during an interview on Saturday, the day after Simpson and co-defendant Clarence "C.J." Stewart were found guilty on all charges including armed robbery and kidnapping with a deadly weapon (which carries a possible life sentence). "He's been predicting a hung jury."

He couldn't possibly have planned this party based on his prior experience with the legal system could he? Maybe, but all I know is that this is a perfect example of Karma coming back to bite you in the ass.

The party’s guest list most likely included:
Michael Jackson
Tonya Harding
R. Kelly
Akon
Wesley Snipes
Robert Blake
Rip Torn
Travis Henry
John Ramsey
Former Enron accountant Sheila Kahanek
And the three NYPD Detectives that put 50 bullets in an unarmed man

Bound to Crash and burn

You know who really grinds my gears?

Kevin Costner

Word on the street is that Costner has been in talks with director Ron Shelton about resurrecting his beloved character Crash Davis in a sequel to the 1988 hit ‘Bull Durham.’

Kevin Costner is batting a perfect 3 for 3 when it comes to baseball movies with other greats as ‘Field of Dreams’ and the tearjerker ‘For the Love of the Game.’ It would be extremely disappointing to see him strikeout on an unnecessary sequel to a fantastic movie.

How does he propose to continue the story? Do we really need to know what happens next? Nuke LaLoosh’s (Tim Robbins) MLB career is cut short due to blowing out his arm. He returns to Durham and rekindles his love for Annie Savoy (Susan Sarandon). Crash becomes head coach of the Bulls and turns around a pitiful loosing streak while simultaneously kicking his alcoholism. We’ve already seen that movie and it was terrible, it was called: ‘Major League 3: Back to the Minors.’

It seems superfluous to remake a perfectly fine movie that was nominated for Best Screenplay at the ’89 Oscars and take the chance of ruining a legendary name in the small world of illustrious baseball movies. Besides, in the event that John McCain is elected president, the movie may need to be filmed abroad due to the relocation of Sarandon and Robbins (read previous post).

A Slice of Humble Pie

You know who really grinds my gears?

Kimbo Slice

I’m sure you’ve all seen the YouTube sensation that is Kimbo Slice, brawling his way through the streets of Miami taking on all-comers in no holds-bar street fights. He may have been the most intimidating man on the face of the earth until Saturday night when he was “Knocked the fuck out!” in just 14 disappointing seconds by no-name, low-level MMA fighter Seth "The Silverback" Petruzelli on CBS’ primetime EliteXC.

The fight was being hyped as one for the ages with Kimbo initially scheduled to fight MMA legend and all around bad ass, Ken Shamrock, only to have Shamrock scratched at the last minuet after suffering an apparent injury while training on Friday. Petruzelli was already scheduled to fight on the undercard for the night but was “thrown to the wolves” upon arriving at the arena.

This is undoubtedly a HUGE blow to CBS, the fraudulent 15-minuet career that Kimbo was desperately trying to extend and to the Mixed Martial Arts world as a whole in terms of promoting the fast growing sport into a mainstream attraction

It’s a good thing this wasn’t on Pay-Per-View, because there would be a lot of pissed off trailer-trash tough-guys around the country who would have splurged for the fight with their alimony/child support check that was supposed to go to their ex-wife. After receiving his beat down, Mr. Slice recovered quickly, muttered incoherently into the mic while being interviewed about his thoughts on the fight and ended the chat with a shout-out to his home town crowd, inviting them to the after party at “His Bar,” stating that everything was “All Good.” I sure hope he used the extra money that he and his camp demanded from the promoters in order to fight Petruzelli instead of Shamrock to provide his disgruntled fans with drinks for the night.

Bienvenues têtes de merde!!! (Go ahead and translate it)

You know who really grinds my gears?

Barbara Streisand, Alec Baldwin, Susan Sarandon, Robert Altman, Tim Robbins and every other one of you people who threatened to move out of my good ole US of A if W was elected.

Don't get confused here, I'm not endorsing any politcian or political party, I just hate these people. Here we are 8 years later and not a single one of these "all talk, no walk" -ers have forfitted their passports. The best part is, Susan Sarandon is doing it again!!! Threatening to leave if McCain gets elected. JUST LEAVE DAMMIT! I'm sure the French would be happy to have you...

Does this grind my gears?.. What? huh?

Sorry for my lack of posts as of late and mucho thanks to my big bro for picking up the slack in my absence. I really wanted to come back with a great kick ass posting of something that was grinding the hell out of my gears, but alas, I'm in a good mood. And even the regulars aren't pissing me off today. So instead, here's someone that generally grinds my gears when I think about her because 1) Ok, you're gay, nobody really cares about that stuff anymore, so why stay closeted? Do you know what a role model you could be for so many women? 2) She's got a really bad hair cut 3) I can't stand her (is that enough of a reason?)

Well here's to you Jodi Foster and your new hearing aid! Congrats! ps. she's only 45.....

It wasn’t me, it was the terrorists!

You know who really grinds my gears?

Naomi Campbell

Naomi recently blamed her latest of MANY arrests on 9/11. It couldn’t possibly have been that she spit in the face of a police officer at Heathrow Airport in London because her luggage was apparently lost.

“I think after 9/11 you can't say anything any more on a plane.” She said. “I've flown British Airways for years, since I was a child… I'll never fly that airline again, but nothing's really lost. I did get my luggage.” Not like she has a choice, she was subsequently banned from flying globally with BA after the incident.

In court in June she added to her already ridiculous rap sheet by pleading guilty to 3 counts of assaulting an officer, 1 count of disorderly conduct likely to cause harassment, alarm or distress and 2 counts of using threatening, abusive words or behavior to the cabin crew. She was also sentenced to 200 hours of community service.

I’m not sure how this woman still has a job and why any reputable brand could possibly want her to be the face of their franchise (Sobe, their drinks suck anyway) after multiple accusations of physical and verbal assault on her personal assistants and even fellow models. Someone needs to give Naomi a taste of her own medicine and go upside her head with her own weapon of choice, a cellular phone.

Chasing balls instead of skirts

You know who really grinds my gears?

Zach Hample

Zach Hample is a 30 year old child who scampers around baseball stadiums across the country muscling little kids out of foul balls and homeruns before and during games.

Zach was recently in the news for tracking down homerun balls on consecutive nights in the waning days of Yankee stadium and being only a few rows away from making it three in a row. News has now come that he was the lucky bastard to catch Carlos Delgado’s homerun on Sunday, being the final dinger hit at famed Shea stadium.

At first I was kind of on the fence as to how I felt about Zach. On one hand, he’s an accomplished author and baseball fanatic, but on the other hand, he may be the most annoying person on the face of the earth:

I’ve made up my mind… he’s a douche.