Resolve this, bitch.

You know what really grinds my gears?

Nothing today :)

Tomorrow is not only a brand new day, but a brand new year. Fuck yes.

HAPPY NEW YEAR Y'ALL!

Guest Grinder

You know what really grinds my pal, Miss Bee's, gears?

Well she's going to tell you:

"You know what really grinds my gears?
When people don't DELETE THE "IS" on their facebook status so it looks like:
"John Smith is can't learn how to write an effing status correctly on facebook."

The end."

You know, I'm really surprised I haven't written about this before because my brother, TLittle and I are avid status updaters (mind you, witty, hilarious status updates, not 'GLittle is taking a shower, wet, and naked.' real life status updates.) and we always talk about how we don't understand how difficult it is to remove the 'is.' Well THANK YOU Miss Bee for finally making me post about this.

Yup, another one of these... MAKE IT SNOW!

You know what really doesn't grind my gears?

Gotta do it, this is amazing! (Especially since there hasn't been a follow up greasy gears posting, ahem, PONY....) This poor girl, all she wanted to do was make it snow!

Merry Christmas!

You know what really grinds my gears?

That I fucking have to work, tomorrow, Christmas Eve. Yup. But no bother, Merry Christmas all! There will be a new posting on December 29th, but not until then. Unless I feel like it. So there.

I'm Getting Nuttin' For Christmas... yup

You know what really grinds my gears?

The fact that Relient K is popping up on my Pandora Christmas station... yes, Relient K, the screaming Christian band.

I understand why, as a Christian band, they would feel it is their duty to record Christmas music, but it's cacophony to my ears to hear these emo-pop good boys screaming "I AIN'T GETTING NUTTIN' FOR CHRISTMAS CUZ I AIN'T BEEN NUTTIN' BUT BAD!!!!!!!!!" Come on Pandora, let's stick to Mariah singing, 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' and Amy Grant with 'Jingle Bell Rock.' When did Christmas become any singer's opportunity to cash in by recording a song or even album even if it sounds like shit? Bah....

PS If you haven't seen Bad Santa, go watch it. Could be my favorite holiday movie.

Choose my WHAT?

You know what really grinds my gears?

The "choose your adventure" commercials for Iowa State.

A) Give me one good reason why a kid in Colorado would want to go to Iowa State? I mean, come on, Boulder? Ames? Boulder? Ames? (Imagine me doing the scale motion with my hands). Most kids from Boulder wouldn't even know that Ames even existed.

B-Z) They all end with someone whispering "choose your adventure." Ok, it's not a bad slogan. But why whisper? Are you not confident in what you're saying? Are you embarrassed that's your slogan? I just want to yell at the television, 'CHOOSE MY OWN WHAT?!?!' Maybe it's just me.

1st Degree Awesomeness

You know what really grinds my gears?

The fact that the police arrested and booked Glenn Coulter Kellison with FIRST DEGREE Criminal Trespassing.

I know, I know. Who is Glenn Coulter Kellison? I don't really know the guy, but I do have two facebook friends in common with him. Anyways, he was walking home from the bars this morning, after having drank 'enough,' and accidentally stumbled into the wrong apartment. He didn't get angry drunk and no one got hurt, yet they are booking him on suspicion of First Degree Criminal Trespassing. That's a CLASS 5 FELONY. The kid's a chemical engineering major too, can you imagine what that could do to his future?!?! Poor buba, fucking Boulder Po Po, catch the guys raping girls and leave the harmless drunks alone.

Here's the article

PS That picture isn't really Glenn, I don't know what he looks like, but this guy is pretty drunk.

President Bush dodging the press

Nothing grinds my gears today.

Actually that's a lie, there are several things, but you just won't understand. No, I don't want to try to tell you. It's not worth it, ok? Leave me alone.

Watch this it's funny. Maybe W should have been a boxer with that kind of agility instead of a baseball player.

Live Strong Fitness Tips... for Dumbasses

You know what really grinds my gears?

That Colt McCoy didn't win the Heisman... :( But I won't get into that, or should I?

You know what else really grinds my gears?

My iGoogle homepage "Live Strong Fitness Tips of the Day."

When customizing my iGoogle homepage, I had the option of adding several different 'applications' if you will. For example, I have Top Stories; Weather; Puzzles and Riddles; Sudoku; Quotes of the Day; the always hilarious, Funny Cat Photos; and of course the Live Strong Fitness Tip of the Day. What really gets my gears grinding is the fact that these 'tips' are just common sense, I never read a single one that has information I didn't already know. Here are some of the most obvious and frustrating examples:
"Eating more vegetables and getting regular exercise will not only help you lose weight, but keep you healthy." Really? Because I thought being a lazyass and eating shit would make me skinny and awesome.

"Stretching first thing in the day will make you feel more nimble." Stretching at anytime of the day will make me feel more nimble, idiot.

"If you are a smoker, QUIT!" No, I expected you to say, "Smoking will ensure a long and healthy, cancer-free life."

"Regular sleep is great for the mind, body, and soul." Sleeping is overrated.

Thanks Captain Obvious, you obviously think we're all fucking morons. Sad thing though, I think these things may actually come as news to some. Probably the same people who need these warning labels.

Chinese Demo-CRAZY

You know what really grinds my gears?

The fact that Axl Rose is trying to claim Anthropophobia.... yeah, that's fear of people.

I bet if Guns n' Roses' new album, Chinese Democracy was doing better, he'd be fine being out there with the groupies and engaging in sexual interactions, perhaps, orgies. But since it's bombing, his excuse to run and hide and avoid facing the reality of a disastrous 'comeback' is to say that he's 'afraid of people.' Or maybe it's because he finally looked in the mirror and realized how ridiculous he looks with those cornrows and he's going into hiding due to shame. Yup, that's probably it.

Like father, like son

You know what really grinds my gears?

My lack of postings.

I know I've been totally French lately when it comes to writing and I'd like to get back into the game but I got nothin' for the time being.

So, I figured I'd just share something really cool with you that I stumbled across this morning. Baby steps to the elevator, right?... whatever that means.

This clip features the son of the one-and-only Barry Sanders. Fittingly his son's name is Barry Sanders Jr. He may not grow up to be the greatest running back to (leave the game waaaaaaay too early) ever roam a football field, but if this is any indication of the player he's gonna be, then I think he's got quite a bright future ahead of him. Keep in mind, he's a freshman in high school:

Conveyance Circumvention

I'm not feeling very clever or witty today so I decided to write about a pretty stolid topic while impressing you all with my extensive lexicon.

You know what really toils my gears?

When somebody pulls out on a right turn in front of me in their oil burner very rapidly as though they are in a bustle then never accelerates and drives at a dilatory pace while remaining in my lane. If you're not indeed in a bustle, then FECKING wait til I pass. It's common courtesy, dumbass.

Well Lubricated Gears

You know what Grinds My Gears?!? That there is nothing positive on this blog. So in response, I have chosen to take a different approach. Welcome to a new segment about What Greases My Gears.

Do you know what Greases My Gears?

Wendy's

I know what you are saying under your breath about Wendy's and how you only eat there when you are drunk, but hear me out. In our current struggling economy, sometimes you need some value for your dollar. You can be the cheapest bastard ever and they still ask you, "Will you be eating in the dining room sir?" You are goddamn right I am going to eat in the dining room, and you are going to serve me too!!! The attempt at keeping it classy when I am as far from it as possible is commendable. Here is a tip of the cap to your chicken sandwiches, baked potatoes and fake flowers on the table. You keep all of us poor bastards from starving.

Greasy Gears???

Herrrro everyone! Due to the lack of participation by TLittle (read below), I have recruited a new contributer to "You Know What Really Grinds My Gears???" He's a man on a mission and that is to create a more positive aura around this blog and not make it seem so damn cynical.

So welcome ThePony and fucking be nice to him, ok? He's fragile. And whatever you do, don't sneak up on him from behind, he'll kick you in the face.

Poop on TLittle

You know what really grinds my gears?

My brother, TLittle.

Trust me, he's my best friend, I love the guy, but he's grinding my gears. It went from me telling him to 'chill out a bit on the postings, don't write so much, you might burn yourself out'..... Yeah. Well he burned himself out. LAMEeeeee. He just doesn't 'feel like it.' Hey TLittle, when did your MANGINA get so big? Huh? Huh?

I suppose I'll survive. But heed this warning readership, I am going to have to go back to writing some sports postings now and again since the resident 'sucks-pert' has taken an emotional hiatus from the blogosphere.

Oh and stay tuned for the newest addition to What Really Grinds MY Gears.... ThePony..... ohhh the suspense is killing you
Oh and wondering about the photo? Type "Tyler sucks" into Google images and this is what you shall find.

PS Happy Birthday Steve-O (that picture is for you).

NINJA NINJA NINJA

You know what really grinds my gears?

People who hate on Ninjas.


First of all, I AM a ninja. Soooo things are going to be kind of awkward between the Ninja haters and myself. Second of all, even if you do hate Ninjas you probably shouldn't say that you do because Ninjas are so stealthy that they will attack you when you least expect it. Third of all, Ninjas are way cooler than Pirates and Werewolves and Vampires and whatever else is out there that other people think are remotely cool.

To all you Ninja haters, you should probably start sleeping with your eyes open......

SNOOOOOOOOW

You know what really grinds my gears?

People who live in Colorado and complain about the snow.

They're like the people who live in Seattle and complain about the rain. Or the people in Arizona who say it's 'too hot.' Honestly, if you are going to move somewhere, you might want to do a little research on the climate you're getting yourself into.

Now excuse me while I go make a snowman :)

Come on, you know you wanna move in....

Per request from Miss Bee:

You know what really grinds my gears?

That no one wants to sublet my pal, Miss Bee's apartment. It really is a nice place you morons. Someone move into it already!!!!

Please and thank you.

Oh P.S. Follow this link to peep it

Plaxico, it's ok, I'll still show you some love

You know what really grinds my gears?

The fact that Plaxico Burress is now being charged with 2 counts of criminal possession of a weapon in the 2nd degree. (Thanks ESPN text message updates for up to the minute news in the world of sports).

For those who haven't followed the story, here is ... I'm not in the business of long posts about sports because I'm told they alienate half of my readership... anywho, I like the guy. Yeah, I said it. He only had 6 fumbles in 71 games with the Steelers and I love me some Steelers. Then in the 2007 Super Bowl when his new(ish) team, the New York Giants took on the hated (oooo I hate them) Patriots in a New England battle of proportions, he caught the game winning pass to beat the Patriots. Efffff yeah.

Alright, alright, enough about they guy. My gears are grinding because, come on, the guy already shot himself in the leg, need we punish him more? I think not. FREE PLAXICO! (If anyone wants to get in on some t-shirts, let me know)