You Know What Really Grinds My Gears???

My Summer song is better...

2010-07-20T11:35:00.002-06:00

Chinese food makes me sick

2010-07-20T10:17:00.006-06:00

You know what really grinds my gears?

That there hasn't been a gem of a summer song like LFO's "Summer Girls" since it came out in 1999. (Don't you wish there was an international font for sarcasm?)

After hearing Katy Perry's new Grammy deserving song "California Gurls" it got me thinking about what my favorite songs of summers past are. Jimmy Buffet comes to mind, as does almost every country song known to man, the Beach Boys, even a little Tupac. But then it hit me, like a wave of 90's hair gel: "Summer Girls."

I started thinking, I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch! Chinese food totally makes ME sick!!! And oh my god, it's totally fucking fly when girls stop by for the SUMMER!! EEEEEEEEEEEIIII!!!!!!! That's totes my jam!

No really, let's get down to the nitty gritty, the pure brilliance to this song of the century. Let's dissect some of my favorite lyrics....

Hip hop marmalade (Love it on my toast in the morning) spic and span,

Met you one summer and it all began

You're the best girl that I ever did see,

The great Larry Bird Jersey 33 (Wait, what?)

When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet (At least she's a cheap date)

There's a good man named Paul Revere (If I'm not mistaken, Mr Revere has been deceased for almost 200 years)

When I met you I said my name was Rich (He got me at, YO, I'm Rich)

You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch (And that's a compliment?)

Like the color purple, macaroni and cheese,

Ruby red slippers and a bunch of trees (Ok, now he's just listing things because they rhyme)

I like Kevin Bacon, but I hate Footloose (That's where he lost me. I hate Kevin Bacon but LOVE Footloose)

And finally, my absolute favorite line and perhaps my favorite song lyric of all time:

Summertime girls are the kind I like,

I'll steal your honey like I stole your bike. (BEST.PICKUP.LINE.EVER)

I wouldn't be surprised if the next Rockie's game I went to, LFO made a comeback and was Brad Hawpe's intro song.

Vuvuzela Guy Cheers for Everything

2010-07-02T10:59:00.004-06:00

The hands down best thing to come out of World Cup fever...

PURCHASE MAAAAAAAAAAAAADE!!!!

Creative Captcha

2010-06-18T16:37:00.003-06:00

Hi. My name is GLittle and I have the maturity level of a 12 year old.

While working on the company Facebook page, I had to enter a security captcha code... You all know what those are. The squiggly, impossibly to read, what the fuck are they really for? annoyances that you find everywhere on the internet. Well here is the one I just saw. And I thought it was hilarious. In fact, I found it so amusing, I had to share it with the world.

I dare, no, TRIPLE DOG DARE you not to laugh.

Sickest shirt ever

2010-05-03T15:33:00.008-06:00

I WANT:

And since I know you want to buy it for me, you can find it here.

Though I will say, there is something the grinds my gears pretty hard about this advertisement... The goofy smiles on these two's faces. They are not nearly as fierce as you need to be to rock a t-shirt with this level of coolness.

To prove why you should buy me this shirt, this is how fierce I would look in it:

BAM! Yeah, I know. Knocked the wind out of ya. Take a deep breath, grab your credit card, and go ahead and order one for me. You won't be disappointed.

Pretzel Fail

2010-04-22T14:23:00.004-06:00

I can't decide if this grinds my gears or not... but it is a major fail. "What the fuck Rold Gold, how hard is it to make a pretzel look right?" OR "Woah. That's a cool pretzel."

Devil Kitteh

2010-04-06T15:41:00.002-06:00

Wanna know what I did today?

This:

Devil Kitteh continues to grind my gears more and more everyday.

Julie is a bitch

2010-03-25T14:43:00.002-06:00

You know who really grinds my gears?

Julie Powell.

Who's Julie Powell? Well many more people know who she is than she deserves. She is Julie from "Julie and Julia," the heartwarming true tale of a young wife who has never finished anything in her life and decides to cook all 524 recipes in Julia Child's cookbook in just one year.

Sounds like a nice snowy Tuesday night in, right? Well that's what my friend Kyle and I thought after we watched it while snowed in (on March 23rd... yeah, YAY Colorado... bleh). "What a great movie!" "Oh, I'm so sad she didn't get to meet Julia Child." Blah Blah Blah. Just two girlfriends sitting on the couch recapping a cute chick-flick....

Flash foward one day later. We both decide to do a little research on the whole thing because we wanted to make sure that Julie never met Julia. Turns out Julie has a second book out, about an AFFAIR she had while MARRIED to her cute, supportive husband! What a bitch! This chick is FUG too, I mean, she should feel lucky that one guy wants to pork her and not push her luck by seeking out extra attention. I hate her, she is selfish, obnoxious, and she hates America (I think....).

So what doesn't grind my gears is that Julie never met Julia because Julia would be ashamed that her name was being used in conjunction with such a filthy whore. SHAME on you Julie Powell, shame on you. Julia Child is a saint and to think you deserved to meet her or that your name should be mentioned in the same breath? It's absurd. Go guzzle some more cum, slut.

Yes. I'm angry about this one.

Cheese Fairy

2010-03-05T09:17:00.013-07:00

Three months almost to the day and here I am, writing again.... I don't even know if this is the best outlet for what I'm about to tell you all, but I had to get this out there and this is the best forum I know.

You know what really DOES NOT grind my gears?

Apparently I have a cheese fairy!

I got up from my desk today to go get some tea (I have a bit of a sore throat today, though that's not really an excuse considering I do drink tea everyday) and when I returned there was a whole bag of Mini Babybel Bonbel cheese wheels! I don't socialize with very many people in my office so I don't think people really understand my love for cheese. I mean, the other day I went to a Spelling Bee(r) at a bar and on the sign up sheet they asked me what my favorite thing was and naturally I wrote cheese. I LOVE CHEESE. And I'm not afraid to say it. It's my one true love. It's never cheated on me, moved to Texas, or stared at another girl's ass. It's good to me, and in return I'm good to it. I love to eat cheese with pretzels, on sandwiches, in burritos, cheese in soup or even cheesy soup, I mean I can eat cheese on/with anything, even if it doesn't make sense to you laymen.

So this brings me all to the obvious conclusion of the mysterious bag o'cheese: I have a cheese fairy. And yes, it's ok to be jealous of me. I'm kind of jealous of me.

I dunno... I don't really like birthdays....

2009-12-08T14:22:00.012-07:00

Don't call this a comeback because there's a good chance it will be another 5 months before I post again...